Keepin' It Real

Well here I am. I've proclaimed that I was a "Christian" for my entire life. Yet recently I have started to see the church as something superficial, something fake. All the worship we do, the pastor's sermons just don't seem to be what God wants, at least to me. Now, I'm not saying that worship and getting into the word isn't important. It's just that regular attendance at the Sunday morning services seem to be the only thing that makes one a "Christian". Yet, read through the book of James. Hey, even read through the gospels. You'll soon see that the things that impact people the greatest and brings more people into the Kingdom is getting out and SERVING. Sunday mornings are great preparation for serving, but it's just that, preparation. What good are we doing our Lord if we just sit passively everyday of the week? None. Now I believe that what God is telling you to do is extremely individual and I'm not saying you absolutely need to go out into the world and do things. He could be calling you to serve the people in the church, I don't know. The church seems to be leading me to doubt it's ability to do His will. 

I guess it all started when I started noticing one of my friends who is very on fire for God seemed to be further insulating himself in the church and the Word. I know he absolutely loves God with all his heart but it is a bit unnerving to see him change so radically into something I've questioned. Maybe I don't listen to God enough, don't pray enough, don't study the Bible enough. Anyway, then I joined him and a few other friends in doing a little interpretive dance to Set Me Free by Casting Crowns. The entire thing sort of transformed everybody into a dysfunctional group. It changed people for the worse. My friend was so stressed out about reaching people and pointing them towards God even though we were doing it for a largely "Christian" audience. It scared me so bad. I could honestly feel a demonic presence surrounding the whole thing.

From that point onward, my beliefs were shaken down to their foundations. I've started questioning the true nature of worship, of service, of discipleship, of fellowship. I've started to look at myself and started to compare it to what the Bible tells us. I've started to see that if I continue to walk a regular "Christian" life I won't ever find the true nature of what God wants for my life. The traditions and theology have honestly blinded me because thats what I've been told by everyone. I need to listen to God and God alone in order to do that. I've thirsted so badly for something so tangible, so real that I can talk to someone and tell them that is what I love so much. That that is what fuels my passion. That that is what consumes my every thought and is the only thing deserving of my love. I'm sick of the "Christian" label because it blinds people to the true nature of God, non-believers and believers alike. Right now, I'm trying my hardest to let God show me his love in ways I have never imagined. I'm telling him to show me his love, his existence, his reality. I sit and wait and listen to his voice, although I often times ignore to listen to the world instead.

Again, church is good and it is of God but it can hinder us as well as help us. And church helps us a great deal and we should be proud to be Christians. Although I think a better way to describe ourselves is "Christ Followers". Plain and simple that's what God wants. He wants us to follow Him whole-heartedly. So, next time you read the Bible, go to church, worship, just try to pour your heart out and let it be filled with the divine goodness, divine love, divine wisdom, divine knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.